Is there such a thing?
For two years I tried to wrap my head around the idea of life after porn. What it would be like, if it was even possible, and how the hell I would live in the real world.
Five years in porn may not seem like a long time to you, but I haven’t even been in a committed relationship for more than a couple years. So that’s a life time to me.
The first year, was a haze. Caught up in the hectic shooting schedule, the financial freedom, and the occasional Hollywood party, all kept me kind of unaware.
The second and third year, was business. I realized that everyone I knew, friends and family discovered what I’ve been up to. There was no going back. A 6 month plan to pay for college, and help my mom, turned into something much more.
The fourth year, I was tired. I was tired of the business that I’ve put so much of my soul into, so much of my time and my youth, and it not appreciate me, or value me as it should. I was realizing my worth. I realized I would never get the happiness I desired if I stayed in the adult business.
The fifth year, I began planning my escape. Ironically, I finally started to get recognized as something more than a rising starlet and damn good performer, but a smart young woman that had goals and ambition. Once people got wind I was on my way out, the response was so…. Supportive,
mostly. I would get the occasional, “Yeah right you’ll be back.” However, I had a lot of people understand that I have more to offer this world and much more to accomplish.
Yet, I was constantly getting tempted with offers that kept sucking me back in.
I pushed back my actual “retirement” date many times. I kept getting money thrown at me, opportunities I’ve been hoping for, but I had to find strength to turn it all down. Enough is enough!
So almost 6 months since my last “gig” …
I’m writing this blog settled into my new life.
My Life After Porn.
It hasn’t been easy.
I’m happier and more in touch with myself than I have ever been, though.
I want anyone in the business, that is trying to find a way out, to know that it is possible.
Anything is possible, you just have to want it bad enough.
It took me about a year to wrap my head around the lifestyle change I was going to make.
Meaning no more attention in mass amounts, no more free schedules, or making in a day what most don’t make in a month. The best part, no more using your body, you are now free to use that beautiful brain to make a living.
Now don’t get me wrong. We all have to use our bodies in a literal way, for labor of some sort. Just like we all have to use our brains of some capacity. It’s just that Life After Porn means no more selling your body, but using new parts of your brain, and being able to let out the REAL you!
Porn was all make believe. The life I lived was a perverted fairytale. The experiences I had, weren’t normal.
Yet I am so grateful for all of that because I now know my limits.
In order to truly be happy, you have to love yourself. As cliche as it sounds, it’s true!
Part of loving myself means forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for poor decisions, that led to my mistakes, but mostly all the little things I’ve been so hard on myself about.
Now I am in the planning process, again. I have some dreams I’d like to accomplish in the next few years. So lately I’ve been taking steps towards those goals. Every day I plan towards them. At some point I planned what I was going to do to get out, as well as after “retirement,” but now it’s about the stepping stones. There are many paths I can take, but I’m trying to keep my dreams alive. I will not take any of them, but make my own, and leave a trail.
So to those in the business that are looking for a way out…
First, wrap your head around what life will be like without posting naked selfies for thousands of likes. Get used to being called by your real name. For people judging you by how smart you are and how hard you work, versus how big your boobs are or what your sexual specialty is. Get used to having a schedule, to working hard for your money, versus having sex and getting an awesome paycheck and calling that hard work. Get used to what Life After Porn will be like.
Second, start financially planning for your exit. Whatever it is that your heart and soul really desires, start planning. Do you have bills, taxes, debt? How much are your monthly expenses until you get another source of income? How much will it cost to get your next career going?
Next, just do it! Pick a day and stick to it. When that day comes, walk away and don’t look back! You have to find that strength deep down inside to tell yourself to say no to any more money from porn. Otherwise you are still in porn. You are not living a Life After Porn. It’s not easy but once you find that strength you will be grateful, it is a rewarding feeling.
So now that you are done, it’s time to heal. There are things that you kind of have to debrief yourself from.
Experiences, trauma, addictions.
Things that civilians wouldn’t really understand, and that make it difficult for them to relate to you.
A huge part of the “healing” or “debriefing” period is acceptance.
Accept the fact that you’ve done some kinky, crazy, awesome, strange, things and all of those have made you who you are.
After this intense period, things become brighter. The future; new opportunities becomes inspiration, being able to live in the present is food for your soul.
Finally you feel alive again.
At least that is how it has been for me.
THERE IS Life After Porn!