Tara Lynn Foxx's Official Blog

Some heavy shit!

16 Aug 2011 4 Comments

by Tara Lynn Foxx in Blogging Tags: August 2011, Blacklisted, Fans, Fantasy vs Reality, independence, Moments With Tara Lynn Foxx, morality, New Blog, Official, porn, Public Announcement, Rape, Reality, sex industry, society, Stay Tuned, stories, support team, TeamTLF, Thank You, TLF, Truth, unprotected sex, Welcome

There is so much to say I don’t know where to start. I have a lot going through my head, but not all of it needs to come out right now.

At one point I was a strong minded, confident girl. For the last two or three years I have been a sponge. Meaning I have let some bad people brainwash and influence me. Getting into the sex industry was the last thing I ever planned on doing. It happened though, and it has been a blessing in disguise.

I recently went on another twitter rampage, venting about some bad experiences I’ve had in porn so far. I know! I know! Hearing about the reality can kill the fantasy. However, I feel like if you know the truth you will be more inclined to appreciate the real joy of porn, while not supporting the companies that take advantage of your favorite models. If you know anything about me, you know that I love to keep it real. Regardless of what might come out of this, at least I have the courage to speak about it.

The first year I was in porn, I got raped and molested numerous times by directors and producers. It got to the point that I just numbed myself and let it happen. Why did it happen so many times? Let me explain.

Girls between the ages of 18-21 get into the industry wanting to be the next Jenna Jameson, but haven’t even seen one of her videos. They think becoming a porn actress will help them get into Hollywood or even become famous from it. They believe the hype that porn is glamorous and so much of what it is not. We are young and naive, and Porn thrives on those two barely legal factors.

I am not saying that anything I mentioned above cannot happen, it is just not as easy as it sounds. I am the type of girl, if you tell me I can’t do something, I will go do it and do it good! So you can choke on your words. That was my mindset.

I got with an agency that I thought was going to have my best interest at heart. At the time they had one contract girl on their roster. I was told that if I did everything he told me to do I could be just like his favorite top model. So I did. I believed he cared. I believed he had my back. I believed what he was telling me was going to make me a big success in this industry. I guess I should of done my research. Come to find out he is a fraud. In the two and a half years that I was with this company, I was led to believe that if I gave it up to the right people, I would go far. I guess I didn’t let the right people tap this. LOL! Kidding.

Seriously though, there were times that I was attracted to the director and what happened between us was consensual. Then there were the slime balls that thought because I just got done having anal sex on screen, I wanted to get rammed again in the bathroom. Or when I went to pick up a check I was raped because the coke-head and his two inches thinks being a producer gives him the right to have sex with any model. Regarless of if he booked them for that or not.

Eventually, I got a wake up call. I dated a director for a couple months and he to this day is still one of my best friends. He opened my eyes to a lot of good and bad things in this crazy world of Pornoland.  I began to gain strength and confidence again.

After him, I fell in love with a very sick person. Sick mentally. He used my name to gain trust with my peers. After I realized he was phony and only wanted to use me to become a notable porn podcast, I broke off our engagement.

After a year and a half of being brainwashed, unbrainwashed, and heartbroken, I began to isolate myself. No more porn parties, no more shooting for certain people or doing certain types of scenes. I didn’t even want to make friends with the girls.

I started seeing the horrific attitude my agent had towards his models. Remembering the strength I gained from my relationship with the director, I began to plan a better life. I started to learn my industry. Talking to the girls to learn from their experiences. I started to make real friendships, with people in all ranks in my biz, with the people I felt were the “Good Guys.” You know the people that are in this because they truly love to express themselves this way, the ones that really care about the models, the ones that I can talk to and not lose work for weeks. I wanted to know everything. If I am going to give my everything and expose my whole sexual, and some personal, life to the world then I want to do it the right way. At least the right way for me.

Now I may be blacklisted for talking about some of this inside dirt, but if that is the case then I don’t want to be apart of an industry that believes its okay to RAPE and violate simple human rights.

I am not ready to expose those that hurt me, or all of the bad things that occured but I will be soon. When that time comes I hope you will take the time to read it. I hope you learn from it, and I hope it helps you  or someone you know.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

xoxo

TLF

P.S. I love being your fantasy woman, and sharing my sexual desires with you. I am just at a point in my life that I need to heal from my past. I am the type of person that does things in hopes it will help someone else one day. So please do not take this as I hate porn or I regret it. Like I said it was a blessing in disguise. I just want there to be a change for the better!  HUGS AND KISSES!